I felt the need to address this thing that seems to surprise many: people stand up other people. Yes. YES!!! It’s a real thing. Sometimes people are so scared of meeting, or just terrible humans, and decide not to show up for dates without warning. And they never reach out to apologize or provide a semblance of an explanation. They vanish. POOF! It really happens. Well, it happens to me. So here’s how you still win the night:
- You’re already dressed for a date, so you’re going to go on a date. With yourself.
- If you’re in an establishment that has food and/or drinks, get yourself a table for one and spread da fuq out. It’s YOUR night.
- Eat all the food.
- Drink all the wine.
- Even if you can’t fit it in, order dessert & take a single bite of that evening delight.
- Upon working out the tip calculation for your meal, slide your finger over to your “Contacts” AND DELETE THAT MAN’S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE FOREVER.
- Pay your bill.
- Wipe the corners of your mouth.
- Prance. Home.