The Undateable Betty

One more week until I debut a new series of short stories documenting all the real-life things I’ve been through in this unfortunate wasteland known as “being single in Toronto.”

So a sneak peek image to wet the mindgrapes:  

 

How a double date typically goes for me and this Saturday is no different. 

The trials and tribulations of the wonderful singles in the 6ix are not uncommon, so I’m hoping you enjoy my take on the whole tired affair. 

#TUB 

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GARY GULMAN: YOU MAKE MY DREAMS COME TRUE

In honour of his headlining weekend at Comedy Bar, I’m re-posting my Q&A with Gary Gulman. I HOPE YOU HAVE YOUR TICKETS FOR TONIGHT!!!

Please press play: 

Like brown paper packages wrapped up in string, you need to know some of my favourite things.

BIGGITY-BAM!

Gary Gulman

Gary Gulman

This, my lovelies, is Gary Gulman. (I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!!!!) Here are some facts: Gary Gulman is a man. Gary Gulman is a comedian. Gary Gulman is 6’6″. Gary Gulman used to teach kids. Gary Gulman is Jewish. *single blink* It’s biologically impossible but I’m mostly sure Gary Gulman manifested from my wishes, prayers and dreams of my childhood. What isn’t a dream is the day Gary Gulman followed me on Twitter, affording me the opportunity to ask if he’d participate in a Single Blink Q&A.  So that’s happening right now (p.s. you’re welcome!)

What you need to know: Everything bolded are my questionseverything italicized are Gary Gulman’s responses, (everything bolded in parentheses is my running commentary after his answers register in my brain) and I apparently like using the word “fondness.”

HERE! WE! GO!

Q&A WITH GARY GULMAN

ME: Hi Gary Gulman! Are you cool with me calling you by your first and last name always? There are few people I do this with and I think you should feel honoured. (We use the “u” in words such as “honour” and “rumour” and “glamour,” I hope that didn’t throw you off.)

Gary Gulman (GG): You may! (YESSSSSSS! *Macaulay Culkin arm pump*)

ME: You used to teach. Was it a gradual transition into stand-up or an instant switch – what compels you to continue?

GG: I had many jobs between college and the time I became a full time standup.  I started out as and auditor for what is now Price Waterhouse/Coopers then I waited tables at various Boston restaurants, I was a bouncer/doorman at a bar, I was an auditor at TJX Companies, a Starbucks barista and then a substitute at Peabody Veterans Memorial High School in Massachusetts. (What-da-what? He’s a protector, can probs make a mean brew, has balance and can probs do your taxes with no issue. These are the qualities, my friends.)

ME: Was there a point in your stand-up comedy career when you realized you were a bonafide babe, or a “tenderoni” if you will? I mean, what is the man-to-woman ratio at the average Gary Gulman Laugh-Time Jamboree? I feel like it’s the complete opposite of Alaska’s. Or maybe men know there’ll be an abundance of ladies and flood to your shows to enjoy the funny but have their pick of the womens. I mean, AM-I-RIGHT???

GG: I haven’t noticed a huge difference in the number of males vs. females at my shows.  It couldn’t be that disparate if I didn’t notice right? (Maybe so, but maybe the spotlights are too bright for him to take notice. Maybe that’s the right answer.)

ME: I know you were tall from a young age (he’s 6’6″, folks), but were you always as confident as you are now? Did you have any self esteem issues as a young Gary Gulman?

GG: I have had self-esteem issues and I continue to.  I was raised with older brothers who were very critical and judgmental so it was a tough crowd growing up. (Not that any of his responses weren’t, but this hit me as being so genuine and earnest. Self-esteem is struggle worth fighting through).

ME: Who were/are your biggest influences in comedy (dead or alive)?

GG: Chris Elliott, David Brenner, Paul Reiser, George Carlin, Woody Allen (CHRIS ELLIOTT. Period. Another favourite of mine so this list makes me happy.)

ME: I know you have a fondness for 80s music, I mean, who doesn’t? I still listen to the majority of my music on vinyl. What are the last 5 songs played on your iPod/MP3 player/iTunes/equivalent technology?

GG: Bob Dylan: Just like Tom Thumb’s blues;It’s Alright Ma;Last Thoughts on Woody Guthrie;Ludacris:Stand Up; Isley Brothers: Fight the Power (The eclecticity is ALMOST too much to bear.)

ME: Do you have a musician/band new music alert for us – who do you really dig? What gets Gary Gulman?

GG: Azealia Banks 212! (If you know me, you know I’m peaking right now. Track is a modern-day classic, tbh tbh tbh.)

ME: I believe my fondness for your comedy bloomed when I realized the passion/frequency you discuss food. The content in Gary Gulman: Boyish Man never fails to make me laugh and I’ve heard the jokes dozens of times. Discussing food items is personal passion of mine, so my question is: are you scheduled to perform in Toronto any time in 2013? (I’ve submitted your name to JFL42, so don’t worry, I’m pulling my weight trying to get you gigs.)

GG: I will not be in Toronto any time soon but I am at Montreal JFL in July (First of all, this year’s Just For Laughs, or JFL, is called “The Ethnic Show.” Sooooo…I’m just over here Googling Quebec tourism. Totes unrelated.)

ME: And obviously I need to know: if you had to choose one dessert to have for the rest of your life (you can have any meals you want but your only option for dessert is this one thing FOR-EV-ER), what would it be?

GG: Carrot Cake (do you think it’s WITH icing or without?!)

ME: This is a two-parter because I’ve been dying to know – 1) At which point in your life did you finally come to terms with Joe Manganiello basically stealing your look? 2) Is there any beef between the two of you?

GG: I did see a pic and I am flattered by the comparison.  We’re cool, now. (Phew!)

ME: In the made-for-tv Hallmark movie of your life, who would you cast to play you at the age you are now? Please show your work.

GG: How about Vince Vaughan?  He’s tall and he is entertaining, I’m not much of a party guy but he can play reflective. 

ME: Do you have any shows/appearances/things of note we should be looking out for? Give us some first-hand scoop!

GG: I’m taping an episode of John Oliver’s New York StandUp for Comedy Central in a few weeks and then I was in a movie with Toni Collette called Lucky Them that is in Post Production as they say. (JOHN OLIVER!!!!!! TONI COLLETTE!!!!! My eyes are currently peeled for premieres and release dates. Priorities.)

ME: Thank you SO much for doing this, Gary Gulman. As a former stylist and avid viewer of your vids online (but mostly as a hot-blooded woman) I would like to give you a friendly style suggestion: plain white t-shirts (round or V-neck) with medium or dark washed, straight-legged denim jean will always be your best friends. Please, for the love of all things good in this world, believe me on this. Your female audience will also thank you.

GG: What shoes go with that? (Don’t worry, I sent him some options offline. I think he’s set.)

Well, there you have it. My first celebrity Q&A and I have to say I’m on Cloud Infinity. Here’s a little stand-up for ya – the Discman section gets me every time.

You can follow Gary Gulman on Twitter – @GaryGulman or check out his site for more upcoming shows

You Can Leave Your Hat On (Sometimes. Only!)

Please press play:

DON’T post less than two photos on your online profile. At MINIMUM, these photos should be:

  1. an unobstructed view of your face
  2. a 3/4 to full body photo

Beware of multiple photos in sunglasses and hats. Why, you ask? Let me break this down for you:

I do NOT fux with Bono’d* Bens,
I do NOT fux with Hat Tricked** Glens,
I would not, could not in a jam,
I would not, could not give a damn,
So heed my words, and find your zen,
And only fux with full-faced mens.

*Bonos – men who wear sunglasses FOREVER in photos.
**Hat Tricks – men who never seem to be without a hat (if this sounds superficial, it 100% is supposed to). 

We all want to put our best foot, or face in this case, forward BUT don’t be sneaky. I let you see me, so you let me see you – it’s only fair. I have bad teeth and sometimes my right eye crosses because it’s my weak eye but it’s me so I deal. You’ll find out anyway, so here I am! Listen, beauty is subjective – what I find attractive, you may not. I melt for a man with cauliflower ears, that’s an attractive physical quality to me. If you’re in a hat that pins those ears back, well…shame on you! See the greatest hat trick of our modern day, Ne-Yo. It baffles me every time and it has NOTHING to do with his receding hairline. His entire sexssence (sex essence) vanishes when he’s sans hat. Trust me, Ne-Yo in a hat can get it all day long without uttering a single word. I’m attracted to Ne-Yo under false pretenses because he’ll never ALWAYS be in a hat, but if a hatless “Ne-Yo” is genuine and shoots me a great message…then looky here, the hat will be my bonus.

Ne-Yes

Ne-Yes

Ne-No

Ne-No *single blink*

Are there exceptions to my made-up rule, of course there are! If the photo does not have the brim blocking parts of his face, then he can leave his hat on always. But if you think you’re going to get more interest hiding your male pattern baldness or your sunken in soft spot, I’d suggest you come correct the first time.

HOW I WOULD STYLE: DR. MINDY LAHIRI

Mindy & Danny

It must be Tuesday because it’s time for:

HOW I WOULD STYLE: DR. MINDY LAHIRI FEATURING STELLA & DOT

HOW I WOULD STYLE: DR. MINDY LAHIRI FEATURING STELLA & DOT (Part 2)

Tonight, I’m going for a “Date Night w/ Danny” look.  I love Dr. Lahiri in a peplum skirt so I upped the ante (and lowered her hemline a smidge) with this leather skirt. The shoes, the sheer fabric in the blouse, THIS TRENCH. She’s perfect, right?

Now, let’s talk about the Stella & Dot accessories because I absolutely love each of these pieces:

This cross body bag the perfect size for a night out, from Mindy’s lip gloss to an emergency supply of jerky for later, she is good to go for her evening.  I built her arm party up because WHY THE HELL NOT?! I especially love the Indian-inspired Neeya bracelet because Mindy is nothing, if not totally proud of her culture. Because of all the things happening on the studded jacket, I kept it simple with these 3D pyramid studs (which are reversible, the other side is full of sparkle. SO VERSATILE!)

I mean, c’mon! Mindy on date night > Ma’s lasagn’? This is controversial but I’m going to say yes!  Cannot wait for an all-new episode at 9:30PM. Tune in to The Mindy Project on FOX! ❤

Links to all the accessories are below – check ’em out and let me know what you think!

Neeya Bracelet 
stelladot.com

The “Gift A Girl” Project – I hope you join me!

Now it seems, more than ever, we need to embrace girls, young and old. We need to support them, educate them, show them our strength so they can grow up to be strong themselves. I’m donating 100% of cash profits from my very first trunk show to Confidence Coalition.  November 14th happens to be International Girls Day and I intentionally chose this date.

The link to my trunk show is open right now (http://www.stelladot.com/ts/uvr26) and will remain open for three weeks AFTER November 14th. This isn’t a cash grab. This isn’t a guilt trip. I want this to be something you willingly participate in. I’m calling this the “Gift A Girl” project. I’m gifting three women in my life, just as a token that I don’t take their presence in my life for granted.  Do they need gifts? No. But giving makes me feel good and I want to put a smile on their faces.  I task you with taking advantage of this flash sale happening RIGHT NOW (began today, closes October 30th) and even if you don’t, checking out the site for something you know would put a smile on a girl who has changed your life. And this is for anyone to participate: husbands to wives, friends to friends, grandmother’s to their granddaughters, nephews to aunts, etc. Just show a girl you thought of them.

I’m gifting this necklace to my mother, without her I would come apart at the seams. I remember this colour combination on so many of her jewellery pieces growing up. Her vanity was in my bedroom. She’d wake up at the crack of dawn to begin her beauty regime & I’d pretend to be sleeping but watch her apply her make-up, choose each item from her wardrobe with deliberation and leave before the sun was up to conquer the world in only the way she knows how.

#LoveSD

http://www.stelladot.com/shop/en_ca/p/sale/sale-all/love-necklace?s=bettykiss

I’m gifting this scarf to the senior woman I volunteer with; her birthday is next month and she’s become like a surrogate grandmother. She’s lost most of her hearing & almost all of her sight but she’s able to discern the colour red from any other colour. She’s in her 80s, she just re-issued her passport for another 10 years because “you never know when you’ll need to travel,” she says. (She just got back from a solo trip to Italy. WHAT?!) She reminds me that we’re as young as we stay in our minds; I feel honoured to have met her and have her share her life stories with me, little by little, every week.

#LuxembourgSD

http://www.stelladot.com/shop/en_ca/p/sale/sale-all/luxembourg-scarf-wild-hearts?s=bettykiss

I’m gifting this bracelet to my best friend, my right arm, my conscience, my sister. Despite all my absurdity, she is my rock. I really can’t put into words what her friendship means to me. She’s younger than me but still my elder. I look up to her so much and hope to one day be the woman she is.

LoveBraceletSD

http://www.stelladot.com/shop/en_ca/p/sale/sale-all/love-bracelet?s=bettykiss

I won’t hide the fact that your purchase will also benefit my ability to build this stylist business. While the cash sales are being donated, the sample credits I receive will expand my selections for future trunk shows. Every dollar I receive over the next few weeks will be tallied and I’ll be keeping you posted with a running total. This is not for a tax break, but because this is something I really believe in. If you decide to take part in my “Gift A Girl” project – would you please share your story with me of what you purchased, who it’s for and why they mean so much to you?  You can email me at justanotherbg@gmail.com.  I would like to compile the stories for a future post at the end of the trunk show. You can find these pieces and more here: http://www.stelladot.com/shop/en_ca/sale/sale-all?s=bettykiss 

Please share with those you know, near and far.  I know I’m one person, but I still think I can make a little bit of a difference in some girls’ lives.

The Revolution Will Be Accessorized: I’m A Stylist Once More!

Well, who’d have thunk it? In a previous life, I had the opportunity to style some of my favourite people in the city: actors, comedians, photographers, musicians & friends. Somehow in the thick of it all, I lost my passion for it. When I made it into work, I didn’t put the same amount of love into it. I had to step away and really missed building puzzles with every job.  Because styling is a puzzle for me. I’m given all these randomly-shaped pieces to work with: a body, an event/situation, sometimes an outfit & sometimes not, a date and a budget. I have to make all of these things fit together and when I solve the puzzle, it’s the best feeling for me.

So, I continued doing fun, no pressure styling on myself. Finding celebrity street style equivalent outfits within my closet (all hail Queen Gwen Stefani). It’s so fun to interpret an outfit that cost me nothing and still look like a million bucks. Turns out, this wasn’t enough; I enjoy the hands-on part of styling, showing people what works and why what they’re currently doing is not. Watching faces light up when they see themselves in a new way.  And having them send me outfits they’ve put together now that they know exactly what to look for. The fear is gone by trying new things; if it doesn’t work, move on.

In the last few weeks I’ve joined the Stella & Dot family as an independent stylist. I needed this challenge. I want to be a part of something I truly love, I want to be financially secure & I want to win.  Win what, you ask?  Win EVERYTHING: beat my social anxiety, crush my debt, be the entrepreneur I’ve always wanted to be, attack all the negative thoughts YOU have about yourself & the rules of style!

I'm wearing the Stella & Dot Pegasus Necklace in silver (also comes in gold)

I’m wearing the Stella & Dot Pegasus Necklace in silver (also comes in gold)

I’m not going to bug you and pester you to buy what I’m selling. That’s not who I am and that’s not how I’m going to run this business.  I definitely want to help you if you want me to, I’ll be open and willing any time.  But this is MY business and I’m going to treat it with the same loving care as I do anything I’m passionate about.

MY GOAL: I would like to host SIX (6) trunk shows in the month of November and that’s where you come in. If you or anyone you know in Toronto (I don’t have a car, guys, so it will have to be TTC accessible. I’m sorry!) are interested in learning more about becoming a host or hostess, do not hesitate to shoot me an email: justanotherbg@gmail.com or get at me through Facebook or Twitter (@bettykiss).  There are a ton of perks and if you think you can’t afford that necklace for an upcoming winter wedding, or a customized charm bracelet for your niece’s birthday or maybe you want to be a complete knockout for your office’s Holiday party…there are ways, my darlings. 50%-and-style-rewarding ways! Mwahahahahahaha.

My trunk shows will be a little different than average; I’m offering my personal wardrobe styling services for every $50 you spend on Stella & Dot.  I encourage you and your guests to bring an item of clothing you had stuck in your closet because you don’t know what to wear with it or an outfit you’ve never successfully been able to accessorize.  For every $50 you spend, I’ll give you one personal styling session – I mean, how can you beat that?

Alright, this is just the intro and I’m SUPER excited to hear from all of you.  So remember:

  • Weddings
  • Holiday Parties
  • Christmas gifts (for those men who wait last minute, you don’t even have to go into a mall!!!)
  • Birthday gifts
  • …or simply to treat yo’ self!

I plan on entering 2015 with a bang and I want to thank everyone who’s stuck by me as I sorted things out.

Take a look at all the available sparklies here: Arianne Young | Stella & Dot and I look forward to making some new friends in the next month.  Please share with any and all, your help is very appreciated!

THANK YOU, READERS!

Shoutouts to Qatar, UAE, Zambia, Australia, Saudi Arabia, Italy and EVERYWHERE that hit up #JaBG today. This is exhilarating to know all my words are in front of your eyes.

Please leave a “hello” in the comments or hit me up anytime at singleblinkblog@gmail.com.

I love you and hope you come back again!

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