The “Gift A Girl” Project – I hope you join me!

Now it seems, more than ever, we need to embrace girls, young and old. We need to support them, educate them, show them our strength so they can grow up to be strong themselves. I’m donating 100% of cash profits from my very first trunk show to Confidence Coalition.  November 14th happens to be International Girls Day and I intentionally chose this date.

The link to my trunk show is open right now (http://www.stelladot.com/ts/uvr26) and will remain open for three weeks AFTER November 14th. This isn’t a cash grab. This isn’t a guilt trip. I want this to be something you willingly participate in. I’m calling this the “Gift A Girl” project. I’m gifting three women in my life, just as a token that I don’t take their presence in my life for granted.  Do they need gifts? No. But giving makes me feel good and I want to put a smile on their faces.  I task you with taking advantage of this flash sale happening RIGHT NOW (began today, closes October 30th) and even if you don’t, checking out the site for something you know would put a smile on a girl who has changed your life. And this is for anyone to participate: husbands to wives, friends to friends, grandmother’s to their granddaughters, nephews to aunts, etc. Just show a girl you thought of them.

I’m gifting this necklace to my mother, without her I would come apart at the seams. I remember this colour combination on so many of her jewellery pieces growing up. Her vanity was in my bedroom. She’d wake up at the crack of dawn to begin her beauty regime & I’d pretend to be sleeping but watch her apply her make-up, choose each item from her wardrobe with deliberation and leave before the sun was up to conquer the world in only the way she knows how.

#LoveSD

http://www.stelladot.com/shop/en_ca/p/sale/sale-all/love-necklace?s=bettykiss

I’m gifting this scarf to the senior woman I volunteer with; her birthday is next month and she’s become like a surrogate grandmother. She’s lost most of her hearing & almost all of her sight but she’s able to discern the colour red from any other colour. She’s in her 80s, she just re-issued her passport for another 10 years because “you never know when you’ll need to travel,” she says. (She just got back from a solo trip to Italy. WHAT?!) She reminds me that we’re as young as we stay in our minds; I feel honoured to have met her and have her share her life stories with me, little by little, every week.

#LuxembourgSD

http://www.stelladot.com/shop/en_ca/p/sale/sale-all/luxembourg-scarf-wild-hearts?s=bettykiss

I’m gifting this bracelet to my best friend, my right arm, my conscience, my sister. Despite all my absurdity, she is my rock. I really can’t put into words what her friendship means to me. She’s younger than me but still my elder. I look up to her so much and hope to one day be the woman she is.

LoveBraceletSD

http://www.stelladot.com/shop/en_ca/p/sale/sale-all/love-bracelet?s=bettykiss

I won’t hide the fact that your purchase will also benefit my ability to build this stylist business. While the cash sales are being donated, the sample credits I receive will expand my selections for future trunk shows. Every dollar I receive over the next few weeks will be tallied and I’ll be keeping you posted with a running total. This is not for a tax break, but because this is something I really believe in. If you decide to take part in my “Gift A Girl” project – would you please share your story with me of what you purchased, who it’s for and why they mean so much to you?  You can email me at justanotherbg@gmail.com.  I would like to compile the stories for a future post at the end of the trunk show. You can find these pieces and more here: http://www.stelladot.com/shop/en_ca/sale/sale-all?s=bettykiss 

Please share with those you know, near and far.  I know I’m one person, but I still think I can make a little bit of a difference in some girls’ lives.

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The Revolution Will Be Accessorized: I’m A Stylist Once More!

Well, who’d have thunk it? In a previous life, I had the opportunity to style some of my favourite people in the city: actors, comedians, photographers, musicians & friends. Somehow in the thick of it all, I lost my passion for it. When I made it into work, I didn’t put the same amount of love into it. I had to step away and really missed building puzzles with every job.  Because styling is a puzzle for me. I’m given all these randomly-shaped pieces to work with: a body, an event/situation, sometimes an outfit & sometimes not, a date and a budget. I have to make all of these things fit together and when I solve the puzzle, it’s the best feeling for me.

So, I continued doing fun, no pressure styling on myself. Finding celebrity street style equivalent outfits within my closet (all hail Queen Gwen Stefani). It’s so fun to interpret an outfit that cost me nothing and still look like a million bucks. Turns out, this wasn’t enough; I enjoy the hands-on part of styling, showing people what works and why what they’re currently doing is not. Watching faces light up when they see themselves in a new way.  And having them send me outfits they’ve put together now that they know exactly what to look for. The fear is gone by trying new things; if it doesn’t work, move on.

In the last few weeks I’ve joined the Stella & Dot family as an independent stylist. I needed this challenge. I want to be a part of something I truly love, I want to be financially secure & I want to win.  Win what, you ask?  Win EVERYTHING: beat my social anxiety, crush my debt, be the entrepreneur I’ve always wanted to be, attack all the negative thoughts YOU have about yourself & the rules of style!

I'm wearing the Stella & Dot Pegasus Necklace in silver (also comes in gold)

I’m wearing the Stella & Dot Pegasus Necklace in silver (also comes in gold)

I’m not going to bug you and pester you to buy what I’m selling. That’s not who I am and that’s not how I’m going to run this business.  I definitely want to help you if you want me to, I’ll be open and willing any time.  But this is MY business and I’m going to treat it with the same loving care as I do anything I’m passionate about.

MY GOAL: I would like to host SIX (6) trunk shows in the month of November and that’s where you come in. If you or anyone you know in Toronto (I don’t have a car, guys, so it will have to be TTC accessible. I’m sorry!) are interested in learning more about becoming a host or hostess, do not hesitate to shoot me an email: justanotherbg@gmail.com or get at me through Facebook or Twitter (@bettykiss).  There are a ton of perks and if you think you can’t afford that necklace for an upcoming winter wedding, or a customized charm bracelet for your niece’s birthday or maybe you want to be a complete knockout for your office’s Holiday party…there are ways, my darlings. 50%-and-style-rewarding ways! Mwahahahahahaha.

My trunk shows will be a little different than average; I’m offering my personal wardrobe styling services for every $50 you spend on Stella & Dot.  I encourage you and your guests to bring an item of clothing you had stuck in your closet because you don’t know what to wear with it or an outfit you’ve never successfully been able to accessorize.  For every $50 you spend, I’ll give you one personal styling session – I mean, how can you beat that?

Alright, this is just the intro and I’m SUPER excited to hear from all of you.  So remember:

  • Weddings
  • Holiday Parties
  • Christmas gifts (for those men who wait last minute, you don’t even have to go into a mall!!!)
  • Birthday gifts
  • …or simply to treat yo’ self!

I plan on entering 2015 with a bang and I want to thank everyone who’s stuck by me as I sorted things out.

Take a look at all the available sparklies here: Arianne Young | Stella & Dot and I look forward to making some new friends in the next month.  Please share with any and all, your help is very appreciated!

We’re Different

One of my favourite pages to follow on Facebook is called White Guys.  And before you jump to ridiculous conclusions about the content, please go to the page and see what it’s all about. These guys are going to change things and I’m all for it. They linked a post from Gawker entitled Lena Dunham’s Race Problem written by Rebecca Carroll. There are many things I agree with in this post and she outlines some questions I’ve had in my mind for a long time.  And not specifically about Lena Dunham, I’m one of few who isn’t particularly a fan of hers, but about race and it’s depiction right here, right now.

One thing I dislike about these conversations is the black-and-white of it all. We are not the only two races in this world and while you may see an article about Asian men who deserve leading roles, it seems the discussion is between all the white people of the world compared to the number of blacks on tv, in movies or media who are portrayed positively. It happens during fashion weeks around the world; someone, somewhere is just waiting in the shadows to count how many non-white faces are on the catwalks. I am not against racial diversity. OF COURSE I’d love everything to be even and equal and relatable but if I am watching a McQueen show and I don’t see a black model, I’m not enraged. What does the colour of a model’s skin have to do with the design and structure of a beautiful garment.  You can argue, “Are you telling me there weren’t any other models of colour who could’ve done what this white model is doing?”  Yes, there’s probably a bunch of them but as I’ve always said, intent should be the basis of any argument you have in this situation.  If you know people of colour were intentionally ousted for one reason or another, then yes, condemn them all!  But if that’s not the case, then hush and watch the pretty clothes nuh man!

If you haven’t realized yet, I’m black. And I feel the focus of a lot of arguments are not entirely where they should be.

Rebecca writes: “…if Dunham were to say to Remnick and Apatow, “Guys, you know what would be awesome? If we did a movie or an entire issue of a magazine or dedicated the whole New Yorker festival to conversations about centralizing racial representation in media,” they would likely listen, and that would be radical.”

Yes, this would be radical.  But do you know what the reality is, if Lena did this, people would take issue with it. “What does this privileged white woman know about racial representation in the media?” “This isn’t an accurate portrayal and who gives her the right to…”  Like, it will never be okay for a group of people. It just won’t.

In a world where everyone has a voice, and they want to make sure you motha-f*ckin’ hear it, this will be another thing on the laundry list of injustices. Now, here’s my loud voice, listen to it!

I have always been a black female. Always. Can you believe it?!?!??!  My life as a black female is different than other black females. And it’s sure as hell different than any other man or woman from any other race. If I hear we’re in a “post-racial era” one more time, I’ll scratch out my own eardrum. We will NEVER be out of it. The differences are what make us, they shouldn’t be what break us.

Going back to the Gawker post; Lena Dunham lived a different life than I did. I don’t expect her to relate. Could she be enlightened? Of course. We tell our stories and sometimes people learn something new and perspectives are changed.  There is no denying that as visible minorities in North America, we are taught a lot about how life works for white people. Now, just go along with me on this because I’m not about to bash caucasians, I’m just explaining something.

The history we’re taught in school (at least mine) is primarily about things that happened to white people, involving white people, were written by white people. Then, in February we had special lesson on Black History. And occasionally we’d touch on the Native lives that built this country.

I’m generalizing A LOT here but you must see my point. People who are not white, learn about the lives of white people and from that we learn to adapt our lives to fit in. We’re taught we have to work harder, be stronger, smarter and better to just be on the same level as a white person. THAT is a reality.  Do you know what it’s like getting a job or into a school solely based on filling the visible minority quota? Like, this is a thing I can’t believe people aren’t aware of. Still.

“Hey Bruce, we don’t have enough ethnic diversity here so keep an eye out for Jermajestys and Harpreets in those resumes. Let’s get up to code.”

We are a product of the world we’re raised in. I would never expect Lena Dunham to be vocal in the world of racial diversity; I’m not saying she shouldn’t or couldn’t be, I’m just saying her not doing so is not disappointing to me. Rebecca also mentions THA GAWD, Issa Rae (and if you don’t know who she is, you better do some damn research). She IS a fan of Lena Dunham and there’s nothing wrong with this. They’re two young women making names for themselves in the industry of their choice. The point is, a lot of you have never heard of her or seen the genius of The Misadventures of Awkward Black GirlLike Lena, Issa Rae creates, writes, acts, directs and produces. Her series is award-winning, she’s had development deals and yet, she hasn’t garnered the same excitement and fanship from the masses. Issa Rae writes what she knows, from her experiences and understanding of the world. Her perspective is unique to her even though people like me can relate.

I hope one day we’ll be able to see the differences and simply accept them without bitter conflict. Without bringing things down to our genetic makeup and ethnic backgrounds. You have lived in a way that isn’t the same as I’ve lived and that’s…okay. Let’s share our experience. Let’s learn from them. Not in an effort to be right, but seeing things from other points of view will only lead to a more enriched life.  If we don’t agree with each other, we don’t have to attempt to hurt each other with words. What good comes from this?

Listen, Lena…do you. I mean, you have been doing you, so keep on doing you. All I ask from society on a whole is to be open to all voices from everywhere. Not everything is about fame and social media presence but I promise you, there are some of the most interesting voices coming from the most unexpected places. If you shared those as much as you shared a photo of Lena’s new haircut, we all might shift toward a better tomorrow.

But I mean, you don’t have to listen to me…I’m just another black girl.

We outchea...living. (Photo by: Lippfoto)

Black people and their hoods; you just can’t take them seriously. (Photo by: Lippfoto)

Songs In The Key Of “A”ri-minor

You know that forever-walk between subway lines at Spadina station? And how there’s always some kind of musically-inclined busker at any given time of day? The violinist tonight was playing something in a minor chord and I almost LOST IT!

Damn, yo! Why you gotta be playing the melody of my feelings right now? The fact I may be living my own version of The Truman Show is beginning to seem less like paranoia and more like the realest reality. Danny Elfman just sitting somewhere scoring my life away because Randy Newman didn’t get “my brand.” He wasn’t right for this project.

Anyway, to make things that much more dramatic: I had a tear that wouldn’t dare tumble over my lower left lid. I just watched the saline swells rock back and forth as I trudged my way across the pedestrian walk.

The moral of this story: I need to get my headphones back on my ears where they belong. One crisp Whitney Houston mid-to-uptempo pop hit would’ve curbed this ridiculousness in its entirety.

So, Tuesday, don’t come to play, strive to win! I’m rooting for you. 🙏🙏🙏

JaBG - Betty Cooper will power

Betty’s Mantra

The Truth About “How Are You” For The Depressed

DISCLAIMER: I’ve had an incredibly tough few weeks so I figured this was a good time to schedule this post

This is a post painted in the broadest strokes with the most luxurious brush.

You don’t give a damn about how I am. You don’t. And I’d respect you more if you didn’t ask at all. Let me explain…

I don’t lie. I don’t sugarcoat. I don’t pussyfoot. I don’t say anything I don’t mean. If you cut your hair, and I don’t like it, I won’t join in with the chorus of sheep exclaiming “what a change!” or “I can’t believe you did it!”  Do you see how none of those are compliments? That’s because you look stupid and we don’t know why you thought the “Kate Gosselin” was for you. Absolutely no one understands.  But instead of filling the empty space of your hairdressing mental lapse with awkward exclamations of non-positivity, I will continue to read my book. Or eat my snack. Or walk away. I never want to intentionally hurt anyone’s feelings so I’m not going to pretend like your Sonic the Hedgehog chic is on point.

Now, if your frost-tipped head approaches me and pointedly asks, “What do you think?” Like, the “how are you” question I’m about to explain, you need to be ready for the truth. “I don’t like it and I don’t know why you’d make this decision. Who are your friends and how did they let this happen?” That’s for starters.

NOW, back to the conversation at hand.  The dreaded “how are you.”

GIF - Liz Lemon

I’m rarely fine. I’m rarely ‘doing well’ unless you caught me after a breath-stealing sip of a particularly cold, carbonated beverage OR a freshly fried pile of bacon I’ve let tumble gingerly onto a Bounty’d covered dinner plate drizzled with syrup.  These are actually two of the ONLY times, you’ll get a universal thumbs up on the how-I’m-feeling-in-life scale.  And even that is rocky because your question interrupted the flow of flavours and fizz, so I may instantly hate you forever. I may counter your question with one of my own, “How dare you?”

In general, if I’m asked how I am, I will answer honestly with how I am. Because that’s how words work.

Humans: “Good morning, how’s it going?”

Me: *shrug with slight smile to acknowledge I heard them but don’t care to elaborate* (BECAUSE I KNOW THEY DON’T WANT THE TRUTH AND I AM TRYING TO SPARE FEELINGS)

Humans: “Ah! Good weekend then, eh?”

Me: “Nope.”

Humans: *head tilt* “That’s awesome!” 

WHAT?! You weren’t even listening to the conversation YOU started.  My other favourite situation is:

Humans: “Good morning, how’s it going?”

Me: *shrug with smile…blah blah blah*

Humans: “Ah! Good weekend then, eh?”

Me: “Nope.”

Humans: *sputter sputter* Automatically recoils and takes offence.

Somehow, I should’ve psychically realized they didn’t want to know how my weekend actually was. They just wanted to make idle chit chat OR they wanted me to ask them how THEIR weekend was, which I rarely do because I don’t care. I honestly don’t. I’m not trying to be rude, but if you went to your cottage/got a manicure with your mom/were proposed to/fell down a well…unless we’re family (this includes my closest friends), there is no less I could care. I have a black heart and you have to be hella important to work your way in.  But I digress…

I could be less abrasive; that’s not lost on me but I. don’t. care. At least not at this point of my life, I just want to live my life and listen to my music and eat my food and try to blend in……to the walls so you LEAVE ME ALONE.  My mood doesn’t change. I answer the same way, every time, every day of every week so stop being surprised when I’m still not “o.k.”

So if you want to know how a depressed person is and you ask them and they tell you the truth, “I stayed in bed all weekend because the weight of the world has taken up residence on my shoulders with no immediate plans to vacate despite my many gentle requests…” We aren’t saying these things as a cry for help or to get attention or make you uncomfortable, we’re simply answering the question. Because we’re unfeeling. Literally void of emotion so it doesn’t sound dramatic to us; it’s life.

If your only goal is to pass time while you settle in for the work day/forced to stand next to me on public transportation because we happened to bump into each other in the line to the bus and you see I’m not removing my ear buds, then just tell me about your weekend, let me smile in silence and let’s both agree that’s enough. We’re works in progress, just give us some time……to dethaw.

…..next week will be better.

I’M WRITING A BOOK!

PROJECT: OPPORTUNITY CREATION WORLD DOMINATION

Laugh at the piles of riches you want, not at the empty account you have.

Laugh at the piles of riches you want, not at the empty account you have.

I’m writing it for myself, then I’ll worry about the business of this. Its working title is, 30-Something: Ways To Date. Some of the stories you’ve heard before, some are new because terrible dates are omnipresent. But I promise to give you your life when you read them.  I’ve pulled from many of my Single Blink posts so those are no longer available, but I will re-post blurbs from some of my favourites because I’m massaging the stories to round out chapters.

SPEAKING OF CHAPTERS, the titles include but are not limited to:

  • The Apple Juice Was Only A Dollar
  • I Should’ve Known It Was Over When He Turned Off Nina Simone
  • I Will Always Choose Wrong
  • Where’s Your Front Tooth?
  • My Bad: I Was Wrong For Assuming Eight Months Was A Relationship

Exciting stuff from the JaBG camp! And no, this isn’t a joke – I’m writing this, for sure.

JaBG’s Guide To Win The Night When You’ve Been Stood Up

I felt the need to address this thing that seems to surprise many: people stand up other people. Yes. YES!!! It’s a real thing. Sometimes people are so scared of meeting, or just terrible humans, and decide not to show up for dates without warning. And they never reach out to apologize or provide a semblance of an explanation. They vanish. POOF! It really happens. Well, it happens to me. So here’s how you still win the night:

  1. You’re already dressed for a date, so you’re going to go on a date. With yourself.
  2. If you’re in an establishment that has food and/or drinks, get yourself a table for one and spread da fuq out. It’s YOUR night.
  3. Eat all the food.
  4. Drink all the wine.
  5. Even if you can’t fit it in, order dessert & take a single bite of that evening delight.
  6. Upon working out the tip calculation for your meal, slide your finger over to your “Contacts” AND DELETE THAT MAN’S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE FOREVER.
  7. Pay your bill.
  8. Wipe the corners of your mouth.
  9. Prance. Home.
GIF - Beyonce SG walk

*Example for a more professional prancer. Make it your own. Fill your body with sass as you exit the bar/pub/restaurant.

You’re welcome!

Styling On A Budget: PART 2

In today’s instalment, I liked the simplicity of the look on the left. Super relaxed & uber-cute. So let’s break down her outfit & see how I made it work for me a couple weeks ago: IMG_0266 WHAT I USED:

  1. a patterned, collared button-down shirt (Winners)
  2. black straight-legged jeans (Bluenotes’)
  3. white, almond-toed flats (Ardene)
  4. multi-string faux pearl necklace (my mom’s)

I bought this men’s medium-sized shirt from Winners awhile ago. As a busty beauty, it actually worked for me. Usually shirts with buttons strain in all the wrong places and my superiors at work don’t need to see my Secrets From Your Sister. Anyway, it’s a great H.R. violation preventer.  It’s primarily red, white & blue (“Amuurica, F*CK YEAH!”) with some white detailing across the chest. Like my inspiration on the left, I pulled a colour from my shirt (the white) & matched it with my shoes. It’s a four-piece outfit, friends. FOUR! And it was effortless and comfortable the entire work day. This outfit cost me: $0 Try it yourself.

Styling On A Budget…A Budget Of $0.

Why, yes! “What Would Gwen Do” is back with a vengeance.  To those of you new to this fun game I play, lemme explain it quickly.  Gwen Stefani is my fashion inspiration for pretty much everything. She just does it for me every time she steps out. And it’s been this way since No Doubt hit the scene. I stopped styling a couple years ago but it doesn’t mean my love for fashion vanished. I wasn’t putting any effort into my look and asked “what would Gwen do?” And just like that, I could throw an outfit together.  B-A-N-A-N-A-S, I know.  I put a blog together, primarily focused on my favourite seasonal outfits Queen Gwen blessed us with while she walked the streets of the world, and figured out how to put my take on those outfits with stuff I already had in my closet. I kind of let that blog wither away when I let personal life-crud distract me.

WELL, HERE I GO AGAIN ON MY OOOOOOOWN. While Queen Gwen will be mixed in here and there, I’m just taking any street styles I dig, and JaBGin’ it up.  Here’s why:

  1. I’m poor.
  2. I can’t actually admit to how many clothes I own, but it’s insane and I don’t even know if I’m proud of it because…poor.
  3. In doing a million loads of laundry, I realized I can shop my own closet.
  4. I need several creative outlets to keep my depression at bay.
  5. I think I can break down outfits that seem confusing to people & help them see how to achieve the looks they want to. It’s so easy!

Without further adieu, here’s my first ‘go’ at this again.

BBB #1

The outfit on the left caught my eye. When you break this isht down and not get scurred by the Chanel bag and all that noise, this outfit is super easy to put together. You don’t need a milli dollars.  Torn jeans, cut at the ankle. A long, patterned coat. A collared shirt. A sweater. A bold lip. A coloured pump that has nothing to do with any other part of the outfit. This stuff speaks to a chick.  As my friends at What Not To Wear, said all the time, “It doesn’t need to match; it just needs to go.” And her entire outfit goes.

HOW I DID IT (I didn’t buy any of these items recently, just letting you know where I picked them up way-back-when. Because I remember every purchase I’ve ever made. Ever. I’m sure this skill will benefit me one day):

  • a sleeveless, pale blue chambray shirt (Winners)
  • a fun, printed knit sweater (Winners)
  • ripped boyfriend jeans (Black Market)
  • patent black pumps (Target)
  • blazer with faux leather collar details (Winners)
  • gold necklace (Sympathy For The Rebel)

Instead of a designer bag, I decided to keep the dirty, paint tray in the photo… It’s not mandatory to complete this LQQK.

And that’s it!  Easy, peezy. If you ever have any questions on how to put something together or where to find an item or you have an outfit challenge for me, email me any time at justanotherbg@gmail.com.  I’d love to hear from you!

JaBG’s TOP 5 Online Dating Deal-breakers

There are many things I don’t stand for when it comes to online dating. These cause an automatic dismissal of your profile and you, essentially, because I will never trust your judgement. Ever. Everything you choose to display or not is your choice & that’s the unspoken and otherwise, invisible rule I work with. How does this gentleman portray himself? Do his words conflict with his photos or vice versa? So I put together this fun list of deal-breakers with my reactions portrayed by the King herself, Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter. Without further adieu, here is…

JaBG’s TOP 5 Online Dating Deal-breakers

Beyonce - you ready

5) Ironic/Unironic photos with either/both of the Ford brothers

If there’s one thing that gets under my skin, it’s the mayor of the city where I reside. I’m instantly turned off if a man CHOOSES to display a photo of himself posing with Rob Ford and/or his brother, Doug. They don’t make me laugh. I don’t enjoy their spectacle. I don’t think they’re believable humans. Men, if you support them – that’s totally cool, but you won’t get my time or attention. If you think it’s just a funny photo with a blubbering idiot – that’s totally cool, but I won’t trust any “fun” idea you ever come up with so, there’s just no point in carrying on.  Associating yourself with these men in any way whether it be genuine or in jest is an instant ‘left swipe’ or ‘Delete This Conversation.’

GIF - Beyonce to the left

4) I wear my sunglasses at night…(and also any time of the day during any and all activities you could think of to photograph me doing)

Much like the Hat Trick, men don’t seem to realize that to regular humans, not seeing someone’s full face can leave us feeling a little off. We’re using online tools to meet people for individual reasons but all of those reasons are based on physical attraction first. We can be honest; that’s what it is. We see something that looks good which makes us want to investigate if those good looks match our other criteria. When you choose to block out your face with sunglasses in every single photo then have the audacity to ask ME for more pics when all of mine are clear, straight-on-my-face beauty shots.  Boy…

GIF - Beyonce snarl

3) Always A Married Man, Never Available

This one’s super simple: don’t post pics from your wedding day with your ex-wife. There are legitimate couples online looking for threesomes; it happens, no judging. It’s not my thing but go on and get it, progressive pairs. For those men who, for some blasted reason, are actually single and don’t realize the absolute absurdity of keeping his wedding pic as one of the many on his profile…we’re just not meant to be. You’re dumb. Baleted.

GIF - Beyonce how the hell

2) The Line-Up

You have one photo posted where I can only assume you’re somewhere in it OR there are several photos YOU CHOSE to display with the same group of friends. You haven’t written any notes on the pics to indicate who you are. You are just one of the faces among a sea of male faces in every. single. photo. you’ve. posted. Tha fuq?! Just say you’re the one in the black t-shirt! You’re the one second from the right wearing the sombrero. Or (just a suggestion) have a photo of just you, y’know, showing your face. That would eliminate so many questions.  I don’t know. Maybe I’m crazy.  If you don’t realize you should somehow discern yourself from the groups of men in your photos, then no…not today.

GIF - Beyonce you don't know what I'm feeling 1) It’s “Take Your Kids To Work” Day, not “Take Your Kid’s Pic & Use It To Lure In Women” Day

Stop. Posting. Your. Child’s. Photo. On. Dating. Sites.  I have spoken about this time and time again and it is more irksome now than ever.  Listen, it’s simple: you’re an adult and you’re looking for love or sex or pictures of feet. Do you, I’m not here to judge that. Your children who are innocently asleep in their bunk beds at your ex-wife’s home do not need to be the focus of acquiring your next date. I’m not saying to hide the fact you have kids; there’s a lovely section on all sites/apps where you can add any information about yourself that you want. But it’s the internet. It doesn’t matter what year it is, online is full of creeps. And it’s that much easier for them to find out things about you. Hopefully you can protect yourself, your babies, well…they didn’t have a say in their face being part of your dating campaign. So please, think twice about this, because if I can see just how far away you live from me and in which area of town, it wouldn’t be that hard for a psychopath to deep-dive and somehow the-hand-that-rocks-the-cradle your life in some capacity. I’m sure no one really takes online dating this seriously, hence why your kids are everywhere on your profile but this is not your wallet. It’s not the place to newborn-Simba your children. When you start chatting with someone new and it’s going well, take it offline and share whatever photos you want of yourself, your vacations, the fish you caught, your friend’s Ducati, peen puppetry & your offspring.

GIF - Beyonce any questions?